Whats wrong with me?

I have just gone completely mad.... I've realized the fact that i cant live without a family... I used to eat roti made by my wife or mother but today i tried eating bread and it got stuck down my throat, i couldnt even swallow it. Then i dunno why im so upset today, dad is not around and i dont feel like sitting in the shop, my mind is spinning, its like about to burst, i think i must take some time out and go and see a doctor. My life is just messed up. I wanna be close to my family but i cant. I called my mom and got mad at her because she doesnt want to join me in SA, she is very happy in Pakistan. So i told her that i wanna come to Pakistan, she said its up to my dad to decide. So like yeah, im just messed up today.... I dunno why.... Im in such a bad mood. I dont remember having this sorta feeling before, its all my fault, i dont blame anyone. I even feel like committing a suicide, but i cant because its against my religion.... but i know im dead inside, im just worthless piece of junk....